Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Breaking Up with Your Critique Partner

Once you’re past the trial period and have decided to go on together, that doesn’t mean you’re married for life. You may sail along on similar seas for eternity. But quite often there comes a time when you need to write that Dear John/Dear Joan letter. Sometimes you outgrow a critique partner, you’ve given each other all you can and now it’s time to move on. Sometimes one writer’s goals change, you may both start as casual hobby writers, but may change your commitment to the craft in either direction. Sometimes time and distance become a problem. And sometimes there has been a thread of toxicity stinking up your relationship from the beginning and has grown to be a serious detriment to your creativity.

Such is the case I’ll call, The Clubbing of the Baby Seal: I was in a group. It was working. When someone asked to join our group, we didn’t evaluate our dynamic and assess what would change. We didn’t establish a specific trial period. This person was unassuming, exuding vulnerability on so many levels that the baby seal moniker was set in my mind immediately. No one had any objections upon initial meeting—who could object to such a gentle person? So off we went.

This person’s chronic health problems (all part of the air vulnerability) occasionally prevented attendance, so it took some time for the pattern became clear. Once it was, we tolerated; for this was really a nice person, just not mixing well with our format. The same material was presented meeting after meeting, with no changes from the previous critiquing (regardless of the reminders that new material should be brought). When suggestions were made, they were met with argument, not discussion. Whenever we were discussing other people’s works, the baby seal sat like a stone (I’m not even sure any of our works had been read). We were unhappy, but pushed on with gritted teeth and scrunched brows. The person was so…so…so baby-seal-like, what else could we do?
But the baby seal was becoming a toxin to our meetings, a soft spoken, innocent looking toxin, demanding respect not shown in return—and surprisingly assertive for someone in such frail health. Was it just me? Was I the only one who felt the seal was destroying our group?

Then, one by one, I began to see it in the other members’ eyes. Still, no one wanted to be the first to say the baby seal needed to go. It was weeks before we finally broached the subject. The consensus was the same: How could we be so cruel to someone who was so nice and appeared so fragile? We delayed. The baby seal grew more demanding. It wasn’t just the time the seal took away from more productive critiquing, the cloud of negativity was enveloping all of us. In the end, someone had to do it, someone had to club the baby seal. We had a reluctant volunteer. I’m ashamed to say, I wasn’t it.

The clubbing was done. The baby seal left our group. A lesson was learned. One I’m happy to share with you with the hope you’ll be better prepared and not end up in a similar situation. This all could have been avoided with the right stipulations laid out in the beginning … then again, maybe not. The same ugliness might have come when the trial period ended. However, the group wouldn’t have endured months and months of our productivity decreasing by the half-life with the radiation of that toxicity.

I suppose it’s like dating in this way, too. No matter how prepared we are, how carefully we proceed, sometimes it comes to a messy end. But we can’t let that prospect chase us away from the quest for that just-right relationship. Do your best to safeguard against failure, then get out there and look for your writing partner. The creative process is solitary, and yet it’s possible to find a synergistic partnership if you look. Almost always both you and your work are better for it, no matter how it ends.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

The Critique Partner Plan

Once you find someone you think you might be compatible with, it’s best to start with some parameters. Whether in person or online, set up a trial run with some structure.
Suggest a format that will ensure equal opportunity and avoid one-sided critiquing. If you only write one chapter a month, do not agree to critique more than that for another writer. If you’re hooked up with someone uber-prolific, you may be using all of your valuable writing time critiquing their work.

Be specific in your expectations. Regular scheduling is important when getting off the ground. Decide on the amount of material and time span. One chapter a month. Ten pages a week. Twenty pages a month. Specify what a page is: double spaced, 1 inch margins. You wouldn’t believe what some folks consider one page of material. Whatever the agreement, respect it.
Do not over-commit. Your time is limited. Whether you’re meeting in person, or communicating some other way, keep your time allocation realistic for both supplying work and critiquing another’s. Critiquing can be a great motivator, a deadline of sorts; but you don’t want it to become a millstone that takes you under.

Set a limited period for a trial run. Give enough time for multiple critiques, sometimes it takes a while to find a groove. Agree once this stated time is up, the future is a fresh negotiation. Walk or stay. Tweak or go forward as previously.

Be courteous. Make certain your work is polished and ready before you share it with your critique partner. No one has time to reread and re-critique the same material over and over again. Even if you don’t plan on resubmitting the same material to your partner, it’s very frustrating to spend time critiquing only to have your partner say that the material was just first draft and they’d planned on fixing that anyway. Really? So what good did I just do you?

Be clear on what kinds of things you want your partner to comment on. Plot? Story construction? Pacing? Punctuation? Spelling and typos? Appropriateness for your chosen genre and target readership? You don’t both have to have the same areas for feedback. Once established, follow those guidelines. If you discover some glaring problem outside of the requested critique area, ask if your partner would like the feedback before you offer it.

Sometimes, especially of the skill levels are a mismatch, one may discover the problems are so many and varied that the page would literally bleed with comments. In that case, I’ve always thought the best approach is to deal with the most basic areas now and leave the rest for later. We all started somewhere and build our skills one step at a time. Overwhelming a person with constructive criticism is often as detrimental as offering nothing but unwarranted praise.

Do unto others … it’s relevant in critiquing, too. When making your comments, do it in the same way you want to be critiqued. Some of us are fine with the direct approach, some prefer a softer approach. Some want bare bones; some prefer more extensive comment. It’s important that you understand one another’s needs.

See you tomorrow when we wrap up with Part Four: Breaking Up

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

The Search for the Right Critique Partner

When I first began writing, on-line groups were in their infancy. An established writer suggested I try (are you ready for me to date myself?) the CompuServe Writer’s Forum. I was young. I was unsure of my own skills. In other words, vulnerable to having my creativity squashed or inflated beyond reality. Some of the feedback I received was, well, frankly, it was crap. But I tried not to label it as such before I gave it a rest and then examined it for validity. I do recall one very, very clear and true criticism that has stuck with me to this day. One writer asked if I had a period on my keyboard. Run on sentences? Me? Um, yeah. Perhaps not the most delicate way to state his criticism, and yet, oh so valid.

There were plenty of misses as I tried to get something going on an individual basis through this group. Sometimes you know immediately if you and the other writer are simply not simpatico. Other times, it takes a while. But a break up is inevitable if your creative process is going to thrive. After a couple of false starts and break-ups, I was very lucky to Karen White, another fledgling writer from Atlanta whose talent I admired. We understood one another immediately, her comments were offered with thought and consideration, as I tried to assure my own were. We worked together for a full year with only email contact. We then met in person at a writer’s conference. We’re still together. A fairly tale marriage from a really blind date.

I want every writer to find that fairy tale critique partner or group. And I want every writer to find the strength to walk away from toxic or useless relationships. Critiquing needs to be beneficial to both parties. It’s best to find someone at a similar level in their writing, someone willing to work hard to improve. That way you insure you’re both learning and growing.

Here are a few suggestions to find those with like interest:

• Many public libraries have writing groups meeting there. Call your locals and see if they have one using their meeting rooms and when they meet, if they have a contact person whom you can ask if their group is open to new members.
• Often bookstores have both book clubs (a great place to find writers) or writing groups meeting in their space.
• Writing conferences are a treasure trove. If you search, you should be able to find one that is both local to you and not overly expensive. I met my local group through a very small one-day writer’s workshop.
• There is a wealth of talent literally right at your fingertips. Yahoo has several groups that are centered around writing. Many of them are genre-specific, some are closed, but all are worth a look.
• Join writer’s groups that are specific to your genre; Mystery Writers of America, Romance Writers of America, etc. Many have local chapter meetings as well as online groups and workshops.
  There are several book oriented websites that have forums that cater to writers. I don’t have any personal experience with any of these, but they might be worth investigating: http://authonomy.com/ ; http://www.writingforums.org/ ; http://www.legendfire.com/ ; http://www.thenextbigwriter.com/forum/index.php ; http://mywriterscircle.com/ . I’m sure there are dozens more.

Finding the right fit can be daunting, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Like dating, my advice is to take it slow and get to know one another before taking the next step.

Do not take someone’s unwillingness to critique with you as a personal insult or a critique in itself about your writing. Many writers prefer not to critique with others, some already have a partner or two and don’t want to upset the mix, some may be intimidated by you or your writing (we writers are a self-doubting bunch).

See you again tomorrow for Finding a Critique Partner Part Three: The Plan!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Finding the Right Critique Partner (Like Any Partner) is Worth It

We’ve all been there, or at least watched uncomfortably as we saw one unfold in a movie, that awkward first date. The eternity after the doorbell is answered before one of you figures out what to do or say—or worse the rush of inane comments that bump into one another like strangers on a subway. So many questions swimming in our heads: Was my last comment as utterly stupid to his/her ears as it was to mine? I’m (or She’s) a modern woman, so who’s going to pick up the tab? Is there spinach in my teeth? Of course, prior to those dilemmas you must first find someone to ask out.

Sometimes I wish there was an Internet “dating site” to find critique partners, sort and catalog us by experience, type of writing, genre, writing goals, what you like to read … maybe even IQ??? Not that the chances of finding “true love” would be any easier than if you were searching for a life partner, but you’d at least have a solid place to start.

Having been through many critiquing first dates and many break-ups (all of which should have come much sooner than they did) during my writing career, I thought I’d pass along what I’ve learned.

It isn’t easy to hear criticism, no matter how gently stated or constructive, of your work, your creative baby. But if you’re to grow as a writer, you must learn not to let it cripple your creativity—or light your fuse. You have to devise a way to step beyond the emotion and appreciate the opportunity to view your work through another set of eyes, skills and values. If you can’t, critiquing with another writer is definitely not for you. If you want nothing but praise, ask your mother for feedback. A good rule: never show your work unless you’re ready to hear what is wrong with it. Perfection is an ideal; you’re not going to find it in your own writing, nor will you find it in a critique partner or a spouse. The only way to achieve a happily-ever-after is to strive toward that goal and learn to live within human limitations.

Here’s another perk that comes from critiquing another writer’s work. Every time I critique someone else’s work or judge a contest, I learn something new about my own writing. There’s nothing like reading with a critical eye to enhance your perspective of your own work.

Just as you shouldn’t change who you are to accommodate that first dater, feedback needs to be considered before you act. Simply because someone is a writer that doesn’t mean their opinion is right, nor should it override your own—no matter how strongly they state it. I’ve discovered there tends to be two distinct reactions to this feedback: 1) A knee jerk reaction to accommodate every criticism; the blind race to make changes; or 2) The immediate fevered and defensive response explaining why your way is the only way. May I state, neither of these serves the writer, or the work. Feedback needs to simmer. It’s best to get over your initial response (whatever it is), step back and carefully analyze the comment, before making any change beyond a spelling correction.

As for offering your own wise opinion of your partner’s work, remember, creative writing isn’t math. There isn’t an absolute right answer. It’s important to understand the basic rules of grammar, etc., but even those are occasionally broken to achieve a goal. (Of course, you have to know the rules before you can develop the kind of judgment needed to make that call.) Your job as a critique partner is to offer an observation, a suggestion, open a discussion; not rewrite another’s work. I have been with my critique partners a long, long while. We’ve dispensed with the “compliment sandwich,” and yet the same regard for their creative process needs to be observed. We all have very different writing styles and voices, that’s what makes us successful. If you react to all feedback, you can easily write any personality out of your prose. Critique comments should be a springboard to open a dialog; quite often the real problem isn’t revealed in the original comment, but only comes into clarity through discussion.

Each day this week (through Thursday), I’ll discuss part of the process of finding a critique partner. Check back tomorrow for Part Two: The Search!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four